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Written December 2001 by Richard Fairbairn and posted by a friend: It's occurred to me to write this piece, though at this point I am not sure what I believe the potential benefit of it will be. I intend to post this as a message to an internet newsgroup where racism and cultural differences are generally open topics. That in itself makes There is nothing to be said or done about the people who belong to category 1. However, for those of you who belong to category 2 (and are lucid) all I would ask is that you start a new thread to promote your opinions. That being as it is, this message has not been posted with the intention of encouraging racists to join the thread with rants and raves of white supremacy or whatever. the message has been posted with the intention of provoking a genuine discussion on the social implications of a white person taking a proactive stand against racism. I am a 34 year old white male living in the South East of Scotland (East Lothian). I am engaged to a girl of Indian descent who was raised from age 2 in Kent, England. We have been together for 6 years. Thus, my personal bias in this subject becomes obvious. However, I have always felt strongly about racism and have taken several stands on the subject during my life prior to meeting my fiancee . Of course, my reaction to the subject has been much more acute since we met. My fiancee left Kent to join me in Scotland. During her childhood and the early years of her career she had suffered racial taunts (p*ki, My fiancee is a kind, considerate person who positively contributes to society when she can. She has been involved in Family Link and has been carer to several children with learning difficulties. Sometimes when I think of this I find it ironic that this is the case, considering what society has offered her in return. However, she is the person that she is and (fortunately) although the experiences of her life have left her frightened and weary they have not stopped her from caring. Since my fiancee and I have been together, people in the small town I grew up in have referred to my fiancee as a d*rkie, w*g and p*ki. These terms are not delivered as insults but are instead used to describe my girl. For example: A neighbor of my parents, Mrs. Blair, who worked at the chip shop, said: "Did you put those two buttered rolls aside for the little d*rkie girl?" When a single parent moved in near to us we heard her say: "The neighborhood is alight, except that we've got a w*g in one of the flats." A colleague at work (Ryan): "It isn't racist to call her a p*ki. It's just a nickname." The most disappointing incident was when one of our elderly neighbors accidentally referred to our dog as "d*rkie". She realized immediately what she'd said and entered into a long, elaborate and nonsensical story about a dog she had owned once which was called d*rkie. The same old lady made the same slip of the tongue the next three times we saw her. Now, I understand that old people makes mistakes and say things that they do not mean, but that thought doesn't compete with the pain of seeing my fiancee's expression change like she's just been slapped. I find myself avoiding her now because I don't want to feel the disappointment of hearing her say it once more. I feel that I have built the foundations of this message enough now. It is time to come to the point. I work for a small IT. firm in Edinburgh. Not long ago, my fiancee and I started to play badminton with 2 of my colleagues. We all got along very well and had good games. My colleagues are intelligent adults who see beyond the color of my fiancee's skin and enjoy the person that she is. Within a few months, three other people had joined the game. One of these was a young girl of Asian descent. Another was a colleague with whom, to begin with, I got along fairly well. The trouble started when, for some reason, he and I got to talking about racism. It became apparent to me that he was a racist. Although it was generally known that he was a sexist, and someone who liked to wind people up, I hadn't known him to be a racist. The evidence of his nature became clear during our one conversation on the subject. His assertions were that: 1. The word p*ki was not racist and did apply, as a nickname, to my fiancee. 2. Using the word p*ki to refer to Asian people was acceptable in Scottish culture, even by Indian and Pakistani people. 3. That people could not be expected to stop using that term because they had used it for so long. The final straw came when he made a comparison of the word p*ki to other racist terms. He made a special point of saying every derogatory racist term he could think of. After that my fiancee and I never attended Badminton again. Eventually, I told the original 2 colleagues with whom we started playing why I could not attend anymore. I said, simply, that I could not expose my fiancee to someone like that and I could not justify dealing with someone like that in my spare time. The sad thing (and the moral of this message) is that badminton continues without my fiancee or myself. I find myself feeling sad that my fiancee and I are missing out on something because of this episode. I find myself questioning my tolerance and, once again, questioning the society I live in and have so little faith in. I am disappointed that we miss out because we are not willing to spend time with a racist. Every day I ask myself if I expect too much of society and, in truth, I remind myself that I expect nothing from society. I have learned this lesson many times over. It would be more accurate to say I welcome all opinions. |
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